JT's Adoption is Final!!

We finalized JT's adoption on Monday. It doesn't seem possible that a little over two years ago we began this journey. To say that we were overwhelmed at first would be an understatement. We knew that God had led us to adoption for a reason though and we were determined to be as patient as possible until our baby found us. We were blessed beyond measure when M & A chose us and I am SO thankful that God answered our prayers and brought not only JT, but also M and A into our lives. We were terrified of open adoption when we first began our journey but God had a plan for us all along. All of the pieces fell into place just as He had planned. I feel so blessed that He chose to bring us all together and I will be eternally grateful for the gift that M and A entrusted us with.

Our journey is not complete yet though. We feel that our family is meant to grow by two more feet and we hope to welcome a baby girl in the not to distant future. We plan to take the next several months to simply enjoy being a family of four and then we will begin the adoption process anew. We'll need to start from scratch but it will be much easier this time around as we already know what to expect. 

Worth the Wait

We found out at the end of January that we'd be meeting JT a few weeks early.  M started going for twice weekly NSTs around her 34th week and JT wasn't exactly cooperative for them.  Due to that as well as some health concerns, her doc ordered a level 2 ultrasound to be done at 36 weeks. Based on the results, it was suspected that JT was IUGR (intraunterine growth restriction). He was estimated to be 5 lb 7 oz and his tummy was measuring small as well. As a result of the IUGR and the fact that he was breech, M was scheduled for a c-section at 38 weeks.

I had already had the majority of JT's things packed and had slowly started to compile a list of things Shane, Mason and I would need. Once the c-section was scheduled though, I went into full on panic mode!! I started nesting like crazy and barely slept. The next 2 weeks went by in a blur and before we knew it, it was time to leave.

We left home on the 10th to be there in time for the delivery on the 13th. We were supposed to stay with Shane's sister but we were pretty tired by the time we got to the outskirts of Nashville. We decided to get a hotel room for the night and were going to try to meet Jen for breakfast in Chattanooga the following morning. While grabbing dinner, we discovered through a friend's post on Facebook that there was a nasty winter storm moving across the south right along the route we needed to travel.  We went to our room and checked out more info on the storm on Weather.com.  After staying in the hotel for only 3 hours, we decided we had better repack the truck and get back on the road again. We were afraid if we didn't leave by midnight, that we would never make it on time and would wind up stranded on the highway somewhere in the middle of the ice storm.  While Shane drove, I was continually monitoring the storm as well as our route. We managed to stay about 20 minutes ahead of it the entire way and once we got to FL we were in the clear. It's a good thing we followed our instincts because we likely wouldn't have made it out of GA otherwise!

We got to FL late in the afternoon on the evening of the 11th. M and I were texting back and forth as we finished up the drive. She had an ultrasound that afternoon at the hospital and found out that JT had finally decided to cooperate and flip. The c-section was canceled since he was no longer breech. There was some confusion as to whether or not the doctor planned to proceed with an induction or if M was going to be allowed to go to term.  She had another appointment scheduled for the morning of the 12th to finalize things for the 13th and she invited me to go with her.

We met M and A at the doctor's office the next morning which incidentally was the first time we got to meet A in person. Shane was wearing his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt which was ironic because A had wanted to wear his that day also but hadn't been able to find it. We talked for a few minutes before A had to leave to go to work and M and I headed into for her appointment. We waited in the waiting room for a little over 2 hours before a nurse came to tell us that the doctor had been called away for an emergency delivery. She said M could be seen later that afternoon if she was willing to come back so we went and got Shane and Mason and headed to lunch.

We had to wait another hour or so when we got back to the doctor's office and then M had to do another NST and ultrasound.  After talking with 2 separate doctors, the plan was to proceed with an induction. By that time it was already after 4 and M had to report to the hospital at 8:30 that night to start the induction process.  We headed to the mall and met A and we all had dinner together before they headed to the hospital.  At about 9, M texted me and told me that if I wanted to I could come and spend the night there with her.  Shane dropped me off and A was gracious enough to allow me to wear the second hospital bracelet.  He went home that night and I slept on the lovely pull out couch that is a fixture in most labor and delivery rooms.

Around midnight they began the first phase of the induction process.  The next morning around 8 am the pitocin was started. They slowly increased the drip throughout the day. They would have increased it a bit faster but the doc was being pulled in a million different directions as there were multiple patients in labor and delivery that day. The monitor wasn't picking up M's contractions very well so they had to proceed slowly. The doc broke free long enough to break her water around 1 and then was off and running again. I felt so bad for M as the day progressed and her contractions got worse. She wasn't able to get an epidural until late afternoon because the anesthesiologist was just as busy as the doc. Once the epidural was done, they decided to place internal monitors to better track the contractions.  As soon as they were able to monitor the contractions better, they steadily increased the drip and things started moving pretty fast. 

JT was born at 6:56 pm weighing 6 lb 4 oz and measuring 20 in long.  I can't even begin to put into words the mix of emotions I was feeling as I witnessed the miracle of his birth.  I'm not 100% sure but I suspect that the cord might have been wrapped around his neck because he looked a little blue when he emerged.  The doc suctioned his nose and mouth and he began to cry. It was immediately obvious that the little munchkin had a good set of lungs!! The doc asked if anyone wanted to cut the cord and A immediately deferred to me. The doc handed him over to the nurse afterwards and she asked if anyone wanted to take pictures. I looked to M and A, but A was not about to leave M's side as the doc was still tending to her.  I felt like an outsider but I didn't want any of us to miss JT's first moments, no matter what the ultimate outcome was in a few days.  I snapped a few pics and quickly texted them to Shane as the nurse took JT to the warmer and began wiping him down, taking his measurements and his prints.  I took a few more pics and then just stood there in awe.  I kept looking from him to M and A and the look on A's face as he watched his son literally broke my heart.  The nurse then asked if anyone wanted to hold him and again A deferred to me saying, "Let his new Mommy hold him."

Getting to hold him for the first time when he was merely a few minutes old was simply amazing.  I texted Shane to tell him and his response was, "Must be nice." I told him to grab Mason and head to the hospital so he could meet JT. He got there about half an hour later and I went downstairs to wait with Mason while Shane went up to the room as kids under 10 weren't allowed in the patient rooms.

Not long afterwards, I was overcome with emotion. I couldn't control the tears so I took Mason into the bathroom and just stood there bawling my eyes out!  I was ecstatic that JT was finally here and beyond thrilled that our prayers had been answered for a safe delivery for both he and M.  I was also feeling extremely guilty that M & A weren't going to get to raise the miracle they had created together; that they had to experience a great loss in order for us to complete our family.  Shane had come back down while I was in the bathroom because they were moving M to the postpartum floor and had taken JT to the nursery to monitor him for a bit because he was grunting a lot.  He called me because he couldn't find me.  I told him that I was in the bathroom trying to collect myself.  He said that M & A had been worried about me. Apparently when JT was born, it was obvious that I was overwhelmed with emotion and feeling several different things at once. They told Shane that they weren't sure what I was going to do. The fact that they were worried about me is proof that they are remarkable people.

I was prepared to go back to the hotel with Shane and Mason that night, but once again A was generous beyond belief and allowed me to stay with M. They also gave me the other hospital bracelet for JT which meant I was the only other person allowed to care for him and be alone with him besides M.  JT stayed in the room with us for the most part except when they took him back to the nursery for a bath and to check his blood sugar before feedings. I took care of the majority of his feedings so M could sleep. She obviously needed it much more than I did!

The next morning Shane and Mason came to get me and we spent a few hours at the hotel before going back to the hospital.  When we got back S (the adoption professional) was there visiting. I sent Shane up first and stayed in the cafeteria with Mason. A few minutes afterwards Shane texted me and told me to just bring Mason up, that S said it was okay because he was a sibling.  I took him up and he got to meet JT for the first time and hold him.  Seeing the two of them together took my breath away!! We spent several hours there and  then we left for the night. M would have been fine with me staying the night again but I wanted to give her time alone with JT.

The next morning we went back to the hospital bright and early as I had to be there by 10 for the discharge class. It was so bizarre being the only person in the room without a spouse as well as the only one without a baby.  Afterwards, we just hung out with M & A and waited for S to come so papers could be signed. She got there around 2 and Shane, Mason and I waited in the outer hallway while they signed. Once again I was feeling a mix of emotions. Adoption most definitely is NOT for the faint of heart!!

After everything was signed, M & A left the hospital as she had already been discharged. S had to go to the nursery and finish up some things there for JT and then we had to sign our portion of the papers.  One of the nurses had to carry JT outside the hospital and then give him to S who then handed him to us. We all thought it was kind of ridiculous but it was hospital policy.  S handed him to me and I put him in his car seat while Shane pulled the truck around. M & A had waited for us and she came over to give me a hug before leaving and we made arrangements to meet for lunch the next day. As we drove away from the hospital, I was overcome with joy. This little person that we'd waited years to finally meet was finally here and going home with us, even if it was to a hotel room.

There hasn't been a dull moment since then but I wouldn't trade it for the world. JT was more than worth the wait!!

Some of God's Greatest Gifts Are Unanswered Prayers!!

We got the call yesterday afternoon that we've been waiting for, WE WERE CHOSEN!!!!  When our consultant told me the good news, I instantly got chills and I was shaking and of course started crying. I couldn't WAIT to tell Shane. He was pretty elated too!

Throughout this year-long journey, we've heard repeatedly that our baby would find us when the time was right.  We actually heard about the couple who chose us about 8 hours before we were notified about the stork drop situation.  I thought we were being presented to them that same afternoon and when we were contacted about the baby girl who was already born, I assumed they hadn't chosen us.  I prayed incessantly Thursday morning that we would be chosen for the stork drop situation.  Evidently, God knew she wasn't meant to join our family as he already had another sweet little one chosen for us instead.

We still need to fill out some paperwork and such before we are "officially" matched but I just spoke with the expectant mother and it was like talking to an old friend. She and I have a lot in common.  When I told Shane about our conversation and forwarded him the pics she texted me, he said they seem like people we would hang out with. This is SO what I was hoping for!!!  Our journey's not over yet, but barring any unforeseen obstacles we are living proof that some of God's greatest gifts truly are unanswered prayers!!

What Might Have Been . . .

We will have been on our adoption journey for exactly a year tomorrow.  We came SO close this week to finally completing our family.  We were being considered for a stork drop situation, which means the baby was already born.  The birth mother ended up choosing another family though.  As hard as I tried not to get my hopes up, it was pretty much impossible.  The worst part was, I already felt a connection to this sweet baby girl.  I had never laid eyes on her, and had only just found out about her 24-hours earlier, but I really thought she was meant to join our family.

I was pretty upset last night when we found out that we hadn't been chosen.  It felt like once again we had a huge carrot dangled in front of us, only to have it snatched away at the last minute.  I couldn't understand why I would have felt such a strong connection if she was never meant to be ours.  Then it hit me.  While I NEVER want to try to replace Madelynn, nor would it EVER be possible, this baby girl represented a second chance for us.  She was born 3 weeks premature and would be spending a few weeks in the NICU. If we had been chosen to adopt her, we would have had an opportunity that we never got with Madelynn; we would have actually been able to bring our baby girl home from the NICU.  It would by no means have erased the pain and heartache we carry with us on a daily basis, and likely will until the day we die, but it might have helped heal the hole in our hearts just a tiny bit.

Shane and I both had already been trying to figure out the logistics as far as going to meet our new daughter. We were trying to decide whether it would be easiest to fly or drive.  We were both leaning towards driving as when you adopt out of state you have to worry about ICPC, which stands for Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children.  In a nutshell, the laws in the state that you're adopting from and the state you live in need to jive. The sending state needs to send paperwork to the receiving state who then needs to approve the adoption before you are allowed to go home. ICPC can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks Given the fact that we would need clothes and such for all four of us, plus all the paraphernalia that goes along with a newborn, we had pretty much figured that driving would be our best bet.

Shane had also called our insurance company to find out what we would need in order to add her to ensure she was covered.  While he was remaining calm and collected about the whole thing, I of course was already in panic mode.  Depending on when we would have been able to go meet her, Mason and I might have had to go alone as Shane wouldn't have been done with class for a few more weeks.  On top of that, we have barely any baby girl clothes aside from maybe a dozen preemie and newborn outfits. I was trying to figure out whether we should buy a bunch of stuff before we left or just wait until we got there and get everything. Needless to say, we were both pretty stressed out and anxious all day.

My heart still aches today and will likely do so for several more weeks.  We were certain that our precious miracle was within our grasp, but alas, she was meant to be someone else's miracle instead.  Until we are finally matched, I will be thinking about that sweet baby girl and wondering what might have been . . .

Taking It One Day at a Time

Things have been super hectic for the past several months which is why I've neglected the blog.  We had a possible baby-born situation pop up mid-June.  A friend who is also trying to adopt had been matched with an expectant mother towards the end of May.  About a week after being matched though she and her husband were told by their attorney that it was a scam. The expectant mother had never been pregnant but had purchased medical records and an ultrasound online.  They were pretty shook up but thankfully they had another expectant mother who had been interested in matching with them as well.  They matched with her and were anxiously awaiting the delivery of their precious little one.

A week before that baby was scheduled to be delivered, they were contacted by the first expectant mother. She had in fact been pregnant after all and had delivered a few days earlier. She wanted to know if they were still interested in adopting the baby. Since they couldn't afford to adopt both, my friend asked if we were interested.  Of course we were!! I sent her a link to our online profile and she forwarded it to the birth mother.  As it turned out, she still really wanted my friend and her husband to be the parents of her little one and since they weren't available, she decided to parent herself.    

That was the closest we'd gotten so far and to still end up empty handed was kind of a tough pill to swallow. We had signed on with an adoption consultant at the end of May though so we just picked ourselves up and dusted ourselves off and jumped back in feet first.  We had a few situations pop up with our consultant over the next few weeks, one of which we asked her to submit our profile for but nothing came of that either. Things were pretty quiet until the second week in August.  Our consultant sent us info on a specific expectant mother that she thought we might be interested in.  We prayed about it for a day but it just didn't seem like the right fit.  We let her know that night and the next afternoon she sent us info on another expectant mother and told us if we were interested to submit our profile.  We did so and were contacted by the agency that the expectant mother had signed on with.  We tried to speak with the expectant mother several times over the next few days but it just never worked out.  The agency had several other situations that they thought we might be interested in, one in particular that was such a perfect fit that it seemed like it was too good to be true.

This particular expectant mother was looking for a couple in their 30s who could financially provide for her child.  She enjoyed scrapbooking and wanted to pursue a bachelor's degree in Education.  She couldn't have been a more perfect fit for our family!!!  Over the course of the next several days we tried to officially match with this expectant mother but it just wasn't in the cards.  After doing some research and getting mixed messages about fees and such as we were communicating with the agency, we just didn't feel like things were being handled ethically.  As painful as it was to walk away, we had no choice.  

We were pretty devastated by the last situation not working out and the last few weeks have been pretty rough.  We even considered calling it quits a few times.  We feel in our hearts though that we are meant to add one more precious little one to our family, so we're going to stay the course.  We have begun researching a few different agencies and attorneys that have been highly recommended on several adoption forums that I frequent.  We are strongly considering signing on with one of the agencies but we want to do a bit more research first. We don't want any surprises like we had with the last agency!!  

In less than a week, on 31 August, we will have been on this journey for exactly one year.  We sincerely hope and pray that we are getting closer to finding our precious little miracle!!! Until then, we will simply take things one day at a time.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race . . .

As much as we would like to do more as far as networking is concerned, we honestly don't know what else is left for us to do at this point other than pray. We have been busy handing out our Pass Along Cards and trying to find other ways to network.  We just created an adoption profile video and uploaded it to YouTube yesterday.  We have had SO many of our friends and family share the link to the video.  We are truly humbled by their outpouring of love and support and we feel blessed beyond words!!  I also found another adoptive parent profile site this evening so I will be creating a profile for that site as well.  The more exposure we have, the better our chances.

We did begin researching agencies on the advice of our social worker.  I contacted several agencies a few weeks ago and requested information packets.  One of the information packets instantly brought me to tears.  That particular agency bases their fees on the race of the child.  The most disturbing part was that after I did a bit more research, and asked other members of the adoption forum that I belong to, I discovered that it is standard practice.  Needless to say, if we end up going the agency route, we WILL NOT be choosing an agency that bases their fees on race!  We are still trying to find an agency that we feel comfortable with which has proved quite elusive, so for now we are going to continue to pursue the independent route.  

I know it is just a matter of time before our future son or daughter finds us.  It occurred to me, however, while looking over our blog that we haven't indicated what our preferences are concerning that child. Frankly, we don't have many. We are open to gender and race and are willing to consider prenatal drug exposure on a case by case basis.  We are also willing to negotiate a level of openess that fits the needs of both the expectant parents and our family.  Our future child will always know that he/she was adopted and that his/her birth parents loved him/her very much.  We want to do what is best for our future child and ensure that he/she grows up knowing his/her roots.  

We are trying to be patient while waiting for our future miracle to find us, but that is SO MUCH easier said than done!! I just have to keep reminding myself that slow and steady wins the race.

P.S. Here is our adoption profile video:

Growing In Our Hearts

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone
but still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single moment,
you didn't grow under my heart but in it.

I'm sure a lot of people think I'm a bit nuts, but I firmly believe that our dreams are more than just our subconscious working through the issues we face in our daily lives.  I believe that sometimes our dreams are glimpses into the future.  I am pretty sure I had just such a dream the other night.

For the past several years, I have had recurring dreams about a baby girl.  I am pretty confident these dreams were my mind's way of working through my feelings surrounding our daughter Madelynn's death.  The other night, however, I had a dream about twin boys.  The dream was extremely vivid and I still remember it quite clearly.  Mason and I went to the hospital  to meet the birth mother who had chosen us, as well as the babies as they had already been born.  Shane was on his way from work and was going to meet us there.  I took a wrong turn and got lost along the way and  I had to stop and ask for directions. I can still picture the street signs in my mind, although the only detail I remember is that the number 600 was in the address of the hospital. It was either early Spring or late Fall because Mason and I were both wearing coats. When we got there, we went straight to the birth mother's hospital room.  As we rounded the corner and headed towards her room, a male nurse was coming out with the babies in one of those little hospital cribs.  He was taking them back to the nursery.  I can still picture them both vividly.  They were biracial and they were sleeping peacefully facing each other.  We went into the room to meet the birth mother.  I can still picture her vividly as well. Her coloring led me to believe that she was of Hispanic decent and her hair was cut in a cute pixie hair style.  She introduced herself and I remember her name was long; she had 4 names and one of them was Theresa. She was in her late 20s or early 30s and was very sweet. She was taken with Mason and started asking him questions about his iPad.

I woke up from this dream at about 5 in the morning and wasn't able to go back to sleep.  It was just so real!!  Call it women's intuition or whatever you want to, but ever since we began the adoption journey, I have had a strong feeling that we will be adopting a biracial child. We are 100% open to it and have been from day one.  I told Shane about my dream as soon as he woke up.  Over the past 6 months, I've asked him how he would feel if we were chosen to adopt twins, but he hasn't really considered that it might be a possibility. When I asked him again the other morning after telling him about my dream, he seemed to have more of an open mind. I know some will probably think I am just getting my hopes up, but I am choosing to take this dream as a sign.  I can't say for sure that every detail will come true, but I know that we are VERY open to the possibility.

Our future child(ren) is most definitely growing in our hearts and we are anxiously awaiting their arrival!!