Some of God's Greatest Gifts Are Unanswered Prayers!!

We got the call yesterday afternoon that we've been waiting for, WE WERE CHOSEN!!!!  When our consultant told me the good news, I instantly got chills and I was shaking and of course started crying. I couldn't WAIT to tell Shane. He was pretty elated too!

Throughout this year-long journey, we've heard repeatedly that our baby would find us when the time was right.  We actually heard about the couple who chose us about 8 hours before we were notified about the stork drop situation.  I thought we were being presented to them that same afternoon and when we were contacted about the baby girl who was already born, I assumed they hadn't chosen us.  I prayed incessantly Thursday morning that we would be chosen for the stork drop situation.  Evidently, God knew she wasn't meant to join our family as he already had another sweet little one chosen for us instead.

We still need to fill out some paperwork and such before we are "officially" matched but I just spoke with the expectant mother and it was like talking to an old friend. She and I have a lot in common.  When I told Shane about our conversation and forwarded him the pics she texted me, he said they seem like people we would hang out with. This is SO what I was hoping for!!!  Our journey's not over yet, but barring any unforeseen obstacles we are living proof that some of God's greatest gifts truly are unanswered prayers!!

What Might Have Been . . .

We will have been on our adoption journey for exactly a year tomorrow.  We came SO close this week to finally completing our family.  We were being considered for a stork drop situation, which means the baby was already born.  The birth mother ended up choosing another family though.  As hard as I tried not to get my hopes up, it was pretty much impossible.  The worst part was, I already felt a connection to this sweet baby girl.  I had never laid eyes on her, and had only just found out about her 24-hours earlier, but I really thought she was meant to join our family.

I was pretty upset last night when we found out that we hadn't been chosen.  It felt like once again we had a huge carrot dangled in front of us, only to have it snatched away at the last minute.  I couldn't understand why I would have felt such a strong connection if she was never meant to be ours.  Then it hit me.  While I NEVER want to try to replace Madelynn, nor would it EVER be possible, this baby girl represented a second chance for us.  She was born 3 weeks premature and would be spending a few weeks in the NICU. If we had been chosen to adopt her, we would have had an opportunity that we never got with Madelynn; we would have actually been able to bring our baby girl home from the NICU.  It would by no means have erased the pain and heartache we carry with us on a daily basis, and likely will until the day we die, but it might have helped heal the hole in our hearts just a tiny bit.

Shane and I both had already been trying to figure out the logistics as far as going to meet our new daughter. We were trying to decide whether it would be easiest to fly or drive.  We were both leaning towards driving as when you adopt out of state you have to worry about ICPC, which stands for Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children.  In a nutshell, the laws in the state that you're adopting from and the state you live in need to jive. The sending state needs to send paperwork to the receiving state who then needs to approve the adoption before you are allowed to go home. ICPC can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks Given the fact that we would need clothes and such for all four of us, plus all the paraphernalia that goes along with a newborn, we had pretty much figured that driving would be our best bet.

Shane had also called our insurance company to find out what we would need in order to add her to ensure she was covered.  While he was remaining calm and collected about the whole thing, I of course was already in panic mode.  Depending on when we would have been able to go meet her, Mason and I might have had to go alone as Shane wouldn't have been done with class for a few more weeks.  On top of that, we have barely any baby girl clothes aside from maybe a dozen preemie and newborn outfits. I was trying to figure out whether we should buy a bunch of stuff before we left or just wait until we got there and get everything. Needless to say, we were both pretty stressed out and anxious all day.

My heart still aches today and will likely do so for several more weeks.  We were certain that our precious miracle was within our grasp, but alas, she was meant to be someone else's miracle instead.  Until we are finally matched, I will be thinking about that sweet baby girl and wondering what might have been . . .

Taking It One Day at a Time

Things have been super hectic for the past several months which is why I've neglected the blog.  We had a possible baby-born situation pop up mid-June.  A friend who is also trying to adopt had been matched with an expectant mother towards the end of May.  About a week after being matched though she and her husband were told by their attorney that it was a scam. The expectant mother had never been pregnant but had purchased medical records and an ultrasound online.  They were pretty shook up but thankfully they had another expectant mother who had been interested in matching with them as well.  They matched with her and were anxiously awaiting the delivery of their precious little one.

A week before that baby was scheduled to be delivered, they were contacted by the first expectant mother. She had in fact been pregnant after all and had delivered a few days earlier. She wanted to know if they were still interested in adopting the baby. Since they couldn't afford to adopt both, my friend asked if we were interested.  Of course we were!! I sent her a link to our online profile and she forwarded it to the birth mother.  As it turned out, she still really wanted my friend and her husband to be the parents of her little one and since they weren't available, she decided to parent herself.    

That was the closest we'd gotten so far and to still end up empty handed was kind of a tough pill to swallow. We had signed on with an adoption consultant at the end of May though so we just picked ourselves up and dusted ourselves off and jumped back in feet first.  We had a few situations pop up with our consultant over the next few weeks, one of which we asked her to submit our profile for but nothing came of that either. Things were pretty quiet until the second week in August.  Our consultant sent us info on a specific expectant mother that she thought we might be interested in.  We prayed about it for a day but it just didn't seem like the right fit.  We let her know that night and the next afternoon she sent us info on another expectant mother and told us if we were interested to submit our profile.  We did so and were contacted by the agency that the expectant mother had signed on with.  We tried to speak with the expectant mother several times over the next few days but it just never worked out.  The agency had several other situations that they thought we might be interested in, one in particular that was such a perfect fit that it seemed like it was too good to be true.

This particular expectant mother was looking for a couple in their 30s who could financially provide for her child.  She enjoyed scrapbooking and wanted to pursue a bachelor's degree in Education.  She couldn't have been a more perfect fit for our family!!!  Over the course of the next several days we tried to officially match with this expectant mother but it just wasn't in the cards.  After doing some research and getting mixed messages about fees and such as we were communicating with the agency, we just didn't feel like things were being handled ethically.  As painful as it was to walk away, we had no choice.  

We were pretty devastated by the last situation not working out and the last few weeks have been pretty rough.  We even considered calling it quits a few times.  We feel in our hearts though that we are meant to add one more precious little one to our family, so we're going to stay the course.  We have begun researching a few different agencies and attorneys that have been highly recommended on several adoption forums that I frequent.  We are strongly considering signing on with one of the agencies but we want to do a bit more research first. We don't want any surprises like we had with the last agency!!  

In less than a week, on 31 August, we will have been on this journey for exactly one year.  We sincerely hope and pray that we are getting closer to finding our precious little miracle!!! Until then, we will simply take things one day at a time.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race . . .

As much as we would like to do more as far as networking is concerned, we honestly don't know what else is left for us to do at this point other than pray. We have been busy handing out our Pass Along Cards and trying to find other ways to network.  We just created an adoption profile video and uploaded it to YouTube yesterday.  We have had SO many of our friends and family share the link to the video.  We are truly humbled by their outpouring of love and support and we feel blessed beyond words!!  I also found another adoptive parent profile site this evening so I will be creating a profile for that site as well.  The more exposure we have, the better our chances.

We did begin researching agencies on the advice of our social worker.  I contacted several agencies a few weeks ago and requested information packets.  One of the information packets instantly brought me to tears.  That particular agency bases their fees on the race of the child.  The most disturbing part was that after I did a bit more research, and asked other members of the adoption forum that I belong to, I discovered that it is standard practice.  Needless to say, if we end up going the agency route, we WILL NOT be choosing an agency that bases their fees on race!  We are still trying to find an agency that we feel comfortable with which has proved quite elusive, so for now we are going to continue to pursue the independent route.  

I know it is just a matter of time before our future son or daughter finds us.  It occurred to me, however, while looking over our blog that we haven't indicated what our preferences are concerning that child. Frankly, we don't have many. We are open to gender and race and are willing to consider prenatal drug exposure on a case by case basis.  We are also willing to negotiate a level of openess that fits the needs of both the expectant parents and our family.  Our future child will always know that he/she was adopted and that his/her birth parents loved him/her very much.  We want to do what is best for our future child and ensure that he/she grows up knowing his/her roots.  

We are trying to be patient while waiting for our future miracle to find us, but that is SO MUCH easier said than done!! I just have to keep reminding myself that slow and steady wins the race.

P.S. Here is our adoption profile video:

Growing In Our Hearts

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone
but still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single moment,
you didn't grow under my heart but in it.

I'm sure a lot of people think I'm a bit nuts, but I firmly believe that our dreams are more than just our subconscious working through the issues we face in our daily lives.  I believe that sometimes our dreams are glimpses into the future.  I am pretty sure I had just such a dream the other night.

For the past several years, I have had recurring dreams about a baby girl.  I am pretty confident these dreams were my mind's way of working through my feelings surrounding our daughter Madelynn's death.  The other night, however, I had a dream about twin boys.  The dream was extremely vivid and I still remember it quite clearly.  Mason and I went to the hospital  to meet the birth mother who had chosen us, as well as the babies as they had already been born.  Shane was on his way from work and was going to meet us there.  I took a wrong turn and got lost along the way and  I had to stop and ask for directions. I can still picture the street signs in my mind, although the only detail I remember is that the number 600 was in the address of the hospital. It was either early Spring or late Fall because Mason and I were both wearing coats. When we got there, we went straight to the birth mother's hospital room.  As we rounded the corner and headed towards her room, a male nurse was coming out with the babies in one of those little hospital cribs.  He was taking them back to the nursery.  I can still picture them both vividly.  They were biracial and they were sleeping peacefully facing each other.  We went into the room to meet the birth mother.  I can still picture her vividly as well. Her coloring led me to believe that she was of Hispanic decent and her hair was cut in a cute pixie hair style.  She introduced herself and I remember her name was long; she had 4 names and one of them was Theresa. She was in her late 20s or early 30s and was very sweet. She was taken with Mason and started asking him questions about his iPad.

I woke up from this dream at about 5 in the morning and wasn't able to go back to sleep.  It was just so real!!  Call it women's intuition or whatever you want to, but ever since we began the adoption journey, I have had a strong feeling that we will be adopting a biracial child. We are 100% open to it and have been from day one.  I told Shane about my dream as soon as he woke up.  Over the past 6 months, I've asked him how he would feel if we were chosen to adopt twins, but he hasn't really considered that it might be a possibility. When I asked him again the other morning after telling him about my dream, he seemed to have more of an open mind. I know some will probably think I am just getting my hopes up, but I am choosing to take this dream as a sign.  I can't say for sure that every detail will come true, but I know that we are VERY open to the possibility.

Our future child(ren) is most definitely growing in our hearts and we are anxiously awaiting their arrival!!

Big Brother In Training

Mason is SO ready to be a big brother. Every time we are out and about, he is drawn to any and all of the babies that he sees. If we go somewhere that he is able to interact with other children, he gravitates towards the younger ones instead of those his own age or older. For some reason, he just feels more comfortable around them and gets along with them better than his peers.

In the last few days, I was fortunate enough to get a glimpse of how Mason will be with his future baby brother or sister. Yesterday, when we were at the gym, there were two toddlers sitting in a round play mat. Some older children were jumping off a piece of play equipment into the mat and landing on the toddlers. Understandably, the toddlers were frightened and upset. I tried to get the older children to stop jumping but they wouldn't listen to me since they didn't know me. After a few minutes, they got tired of the jumping and went to play elsewhere. One of the mothers came to get her son and consoled him and then put him in a safer place. The other toddler, a little girl, had crawled up onto the play equipment to get away from the older kids. She was crying but her mother must not have been able to hear her. She climbed down after a few minutes and went back to the play mat. Mason went over and got a book that was laying on the floor and gave it to her. He knew she was upset and wanted to cheer her up.

During today's visit to the gym there were several children Mason's age as well as a baby who looked to be about 10 or 11 months old. There was a ball that Mason had remembered from our trip to the gym yesterday and he went right for it. Before he got to it though, the baby found it. Mason came over to me and told me he wanted to play with the ball. I told him he had to share. At that point, the baby bounced the ball and it rolled to the other side of the enclosure. Mason went and got the ball and took it right back to the baby. The baby didn't take it at first so Mason took his hands and put them on the ball so the baby would have to take it. He came over to me immediately after to be sure that I had seen him sharing. I made it a point to tell him, "Good sharing!!" For the next 10-15 minutes, the baby bounced the ball and Mason went and got it. Each time he brought it back, he gently placed it in the baby's hands. Watching the two of them interact was just so cute!! I tried to get a picture but the play equipment seemed to always block my shot.

As I watched him with that baby boy today, I felt like I was getting a glimpse of the near future and I couldn't help but tear up. I have always known that Mason would be an absolutely phenomenal big brother, but the last few days have confirmed it for me. He is so gentle and has such a big heart. He's already a great helper too. I'm sure he's going to be eager to help with feedings and diaper changes and he'll probably want to read bed time stories to the baby too. I can't wait until we are able to bring Mason's baby brother or sister home and officially make him the big brother that he desperately longs to be!!

Our Story

Shane and I met when we were juniors in high school. We were actually set up on a blind date. My friend Jaime hounded me for weeks to let her fix me up with this guy that she insisted would be perfect for me. He was a friend of a friend so I was hesitant, but I finally agreed. The plan was for Shane to come with their mutual friend to one of our volleyball games. Jaime described him as tall with dirty blonde hair. She told me that if I was interested, she would introduce us after the game, but if not she would say I was one of our other friends who ironically had the same first name as me. (Sorry Sherri!) Shane came with two friends and one of them fit the description Jaime gave me. She had apparently never actually met Shane. I wasn't interested in the other guy but as fate would have it, Shane did catch my eye. Thankfully, I caught his as well and Jaime introduced us after the game. We talked for a few minutes and he walked me to my locker. As he was getting ready to leave with his friends, Jaime ran out and asked if he wanted my number and he said yes. He called me the next night and we talked for over three hours. The rest, as they say, is history.

Although we met when we were very young, we knew that we were meant to be together. We were warned repeatedly that high school sweethearts never last, but we managed to prove them all wrong. We survived a long distance relationship for several months when we first went away to college. After the first semester, I ended up transferring to the university that Shane was attending. While many people (including my own mother at the time) assumed I only transferred to be with Shane, that was not the case. The college that I had originally gone to wound up not being the right fit for me and the university that Shane had chosen had been my second choice. In all honestly, those first few months after I transferred put our relationship to the test. We had to readjust to seeing each other every day and I had to try to find my place with his new group of friends as well as make new friends of my own. We had a few rough patches but we worked things out and we were engaged our junior year of college. Our plan was to get married a few months after graduation. I was told by several family members and friends that we would never make it that far but we had the last laugh. We were married just two months after we graduated college; five and a half years after we first met. We've faced many obstacles over the last twenty years, but we have beaten the odds time and time again.

About six months after we were married, my mother unexpectedly passed away. She and I had always been extremely close and losing her shook me to the core. We hadn't actively been trying to start a family prior to my mother's death, but shortly there after we began to try. We weren't able to try for very long though because Shane left for Air Force Officer Training School a few months later. That separation was pretty tough considering I was grieving but we made it through and moved to our first duty station. We continued to try to start a family for another six months or so with no luck and finally decided to see a doctor. The doctor gave us a few recommendations and told us to come back in six months if we still weren't successful and that she would then refer us to a specialist. At the time we were stationed at a base with a fully functioning hospital which also included a fertility clinic. We got our referral and underwent five months of minimally-invasive fertility treatments to no avail. By this point we had been married for about three years and the frustration of trying to start a family with no success, coupled with the fertility treatments, had started to take it's toll. We decided it was time to take a break and focus on our marriage. Shane got orders to a different base and we moved. About two years into that assignment, Shane got orders to go to Iraq. The deployment was rough on both of us but thankfully Shane came home safe and sound. We decided then that it was time to try again to start a family.

Once again we tried several cycles of minimally-invasive fertility treatments, but after the third failed attempt we decided it was time to move on to IVF. We were terrified but we knew it was the next step. Thankfully, we were successful on our first attempt. We had four viable embryos and on the advice of our doctor, we elected to transfer two of them. The two-week wait was pure torture!!! I was pessimistic and kept insisting that it didn't work. Shane was my rock though and refused to believe that it wasn't a success. When day fourteen finally arrived and I got the results of my blood test, I was ecstatic. I was teaching at the time and I wasn't supposed to be on my cell phone so I emailed Shane instead. All I said was, "You can say I told you so!" He was scheduled to leave for his second deployment to Iraq in about a month but luckily we had an ultrasound at around five weeks. The doc needed to determine whether there was one baby or two. I fully expected there to only be one but Shane insisted that I was carrying twins. When we saw both babies on the monitor, I almost fell off the examining table but Shane once again got to say, "I told you so!"

Shane left for Iraq a few weeks later and we naively assumed that things would go smoothly while he was gone. After all, we had waited seven and a half years at that point to finally be pregnant. We had paid our dues and it was time to just sit back and enjoy the pregnancy and look to the future. Boy, were we wrong!! Just a few short weeks after Shane left I had a threatened miscarriage. He almost came home from Iraq but the doctor put me on bed rest for about a month and everything was stable. The babies were growing and so was my belly!! I sent Shane pics and gave him updates on my doctor's appointments. He was scheduled to return from his deployment around my sixth month of pregnancy. We hadn't planned to find out the babies' genders but my doctor had to deliver a baby in the middle of my eighteen week appointment. (It was the woman's seventh baby so my doc said he would be back in about twenty minutes, and he was!!) By the time he returned he forgot that we didn't want to know and told me that Baby B was a boy. At that point I figured I might as well find out what Baby A was too. Shane had insisted that they were both girls and I kept telling him that it was a boy and a girl. It was finally my turn to say, "I told you so!!"

Unfortunately, our happiness was short lived. I wound up in the hospital on bed rest just a week and a half later and was on the verge of losing one or both of the babies. I was worried that something was wrong and I called the on call doctor who advised me to go to L&D. The doc came in to check me fully expecting everything to be fine and to be able to chalk it up to first time pregnancy anxiety. He was shocked when he discovered that I was one centimeter dilated. I was hooked up to a monitor and spent the night in the hospital. Thank God we had some amazing friends who were there for me because I don't think I could have made it through the next few days without them.

My regular OB/GYN came to see me the next morning and warned me that there was nothing that could be done. That this type of thing normally didn't happen until around twenty-eight weeks and since I was only nineteen weeks along, I would likely lose one if not both of the babies. His plan was just to keep me in the hospital on bed rest and hope for the best. Thankfully, by then I was also being followed by a maternal fetal medicine doctor. I had seen him for the first time two weeks prior and he had warned me that I might end up on bed rest in the hospital so I was prepared. He was a phenomenal doctor and Shane and I will never be able to repay him for the miracle that he gave us. Unlike my regular OB/GYN, he refused to adopt the wait and see approach. He decided to do a cervical cerclage and started me on magnesium to stop the contractions that I wasn't even aware I was having. While he was going over the procedure with me, Shane called me from Iraq. He was in the process of working with the Red Cross to come home a month early from his deployment. The doctor asked if he could talk to Shane and explain the situation and the procedure. I can't even put into words how much that conversation meant to both Shane and I. The doc knew how scared we both were and he was trying to do everything he could to alleviate our fears. By the time they got me back to surgery and placed the cerclage, I was already four centimeters dilated and ninety percent effaced. If they hadn't done the procedure when they did, I would have likely delivered both babies before Shane ever got home from Iraq. Thankfully the procedure was a success and Shane made it home the next evening.

I spent the next five weeks in the hospital, pretty much upside down almost the entire time. I tried as hard as I could to keep my precious cargo safe where they belonged but unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse at twenty-four weeks. Despite being on magnesium, I was still having contractions. They became quite severe and our baby girl's heart rate was decelerating. There was no choice but to do an emergency C-section in an attempt to save both babies. They were both extremely fragile and sick and faced multiple complications and surgeries over the course of their NICU stay. Sadly our daughter, Madelynn, was much sicker than Shane or I ever realized and she succumbed to the effects of their extreme prematurity just a little over three months later. Our son, Mason, spent a total of one hundred and forty days in the NICU before finally coming home. He truly is a miracle. He overcame the odds and is a happy, healthy six-year old today. His smile and laughter are infectious. He is smart as a whip and quite the little ladies’ man, but that’s understandable given the fact that he was surrounded by all those pretty nurses for so many months!!

We always knew we wanted to have more children but we needed time to grieve Madelynn's death. After about four years, we decided to seek fertility treatments again. We still had two embryos left from our first attempt at IVF, and we felt very strongly that those souls deserved a chance at life. We decided ahead of time that we would only try fertility treatments once more. We knew the toll that it could take on our marriage and we didn't want to force Mason to endure the roller coaster ride along with us. We attempted a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) about a year ago and were successful, but sadly that attempt ended in an early miscarriage. We have always wanted to adopt and have talked about doing so ever since college. We were blessed with Madelynn and Mason but we feel very strongly that our family is not yet complete. Mason asks frequently for a baby brother or sister and we want nothing more than to welcome another child into our home. We decided about six months ago that it was time to begin our journey to welcome the next member of our family.

It has been a long road, but Shane and I, and Mason as well, have grown stronger along the way. We have faced many obstacles but managed to continually beat the odds. Our love for each other, and for Mason, grows more each day and we look forward to the opportunity to share that love with another child. We know in our hearts that we are meant to be parents to another precious little one and we are patiently awaiting the day that he or she finds us.

Pass Along Cards

I can't believe it's been almost three weeks since I started this blog. This month has been quite hectic for our family though. Mason came down with a nasty stomach virus the first week of February. It hit him really hard and we actually ended up having to take him to the ER for IV fluids the first day because he just couldn't keep anything down. It lasted five days total for him and then about two days after he had fully recovered, Shane came down with it. He also had to go to the ER for IV fluids. That was the nastiest stomach virus I have EVER encountered!! I'm still now sure how, but thankfully I never fell victim to it. We spent last week just trying to get back into our routines, so we haven't had much time to concentrate on our search for Mason's future sibling. Now that things have gotten back to normal, it's full steam ahead!!

During our last visit with our social worker in October, she told me to call her if we hadn't found an expectant mother in six months time. She works with several smaller adoption agencies and she is going to give us a list of about half a dozen or so to contact. These smaller agencies utilize her to conduct their home studies so they will accept the one that she conducted for us. Next month marks six months so I will be giving her a call soon. We've been talking recently about having Pass Along cards made so I think we will try that first before we contact her.

Pass Along cards are essentially business cards for hopeful adoptive couples. We'll have to decide on the best picture to represent our family and include our contact info. I haven't decided yet whether to include our Facebook page or this blog address. I plan to give them to family and friends and post them to bulletin boards. If by chance we go out to eat, I figure I can leave one with the check as well. Hopefully the Pass Along cards will help us spread the word.

Mason is more than ready to meet his sibling, although he does keep asking specifically for a baby brother :) We saw a baby boy when we were out and about this weekend and Mason's face lit up. Later that day while we were snuggling, he mentioned wanting a baby brother. I asked him if he was going to be okay with having to share me with a baby brother and he immediately responded with, "Yeah!" I then asked if he was going to share his toys with his baby brother and got the same enthusiastic response. When I asked if it would be okay if he got a baby sister instead of a baby brother, he took a few seconds to respond but it was still a "Yeah!" He's been asking for a baby brother for so long now that I don't think it occurred to him that he could end up with a baby sister instead :) Either way, I know he's going to be an AWESOME big brother.

Baby Steps

We began our adoption journey in the summer of 2012. We made inquiries with several local adoption agencies to no avail. We were told by one that they were no longer accepting couples into their program due to a decline in the number of adoptions nationwide. Another informed us that we weren't eligible to adopt through them because we weren't practicing members of their religion. Yet another only accepts couples into their program once in the Spring and then again in the Fall. At the time we contacted them, they had just concluded the Fall session. The last agency that we contacted was WAY out of our budget range.

We were honestly starting to wonder if we were wrong in thinking that God had led us to adoption. Then I spoke with a friend who was in the process of adopting a baby girl. She and her husband had gone through minimally invasive fertility treatments for a few years and ultimately decided that God was calling them to adopt. Miraculously, the day after they decided to pursue adoption, they found the woman who has since become their birth mother. They chose to adopt through an attorney and she urged us to pursue that route. We quickly decided to do so as the agency route had been filled with roadblocks.

Towards the end of August we met with an adoption attorney. She has been helping couples build their families through adoption for over 20 years. After speaking with her, both on the phone and in person, I definitely felt like we were on the right track. She explained the process to us and answered all of our questions. While she doesn't actively match prospective adoptive couples with expectant mothers, she does keep profiles on hand in case an expectant mother contacts her looking for an adoptive couple. She urged us to network as much as possible and to tell everyone we knew that we were hoping to adopt. She also gave us the contact info of a local agency who conducts home studies. As soon as we got home that night we created a Facebook page as well as our profile and sent her a copy via email. We then contacted the agency the following day to begin the home study process.

I have to admit that I was dreading the home study. In fact, over the years, each time that we considered adoption it was the home study that ultimately kept us from pursuing it. We were just uncomfortable with someone judging us and determining whether or not we were fit to be parents. Looking back, I now know we just weren't ready to follow the path that God had set for us. The home study was NO WHERE near as bad as we had always imagined. Our social worker was extremely nice and down to Earth and very easy to talk to. We met with her three times for about an hour and a half each visit. We talked about our childhood experiences, our families, our struggles with fertility, our parenting styles, our reasons for pursuing adoption and our preferences for adoption. She is an adoptive parent herself so she totally understands the entire process as well as all of the emotions associated with it.

As part of the home study, we were required to do ten hours of training. We could do a combination of watching DVDs, reading books and writing a short report, and online training. Due to our willingness to pursue both biracial and open adoption, our social worker loaned us several DVDs which addressed both subjects. The DVDs were quite eye opening to say the least. Both Shane and I were offended by some of the viewpoints presented but as a result we were forced to evaluate our own beliefs and values and desires for our family. While the DVDs gave us plenty of food for thought, the books we chose to read gave us even more. Both were in depth looks at open adoption and also frequently addressed the obstacles presented in biracial adoption. While I can't say that we are completely prepared for every scenario, I do feel that when our future son or daughter finally finds us, we will be able to face any obstacles that come our way as a united front.

It has now been almost six months since we began our adoption journey and we are still eagerly waiting for our precious miracle to find us. We set the nursery up before our home study and each time our six-year-old son sees the crib he asks, "Do you want the baby to get right in?" He can't wait to be a big brother!! We have been networking as much as possible and spreading the word through Facebook, our church, and all of our friends, family, acquaintances and coworkers. We also posted our profile to a site called Hoping to Adopt. We have had such a tremendous outpouring of support that it is truly humbling at times. Countless friends have shared our Facebook page and adoption profile multiple times and several friends have gone above and beyond in helping us locate an expectant mother. We had a few friends contact us in November with possible adoption opportunities but neither panned out. Nevertheless, we will not lose hope. We have faith that we are on the right path and that one day soon we will get to meet our new son or daughter and our little man will get to meet his new baby brother or sister. Until then, we will continue to take baby steps to complete our adoption journey!!